The Most Necessary Room
by Sorrow Floats
Summary: When Sirius's father dies, and his mother tells him once and for all what she thinks of him, how will he cope? complete
1. the funeral

Disclaimer: The Harry Potter world in general and Sirius Black in particular belong to J.K. Rowling, and not me, unfortunately. This is merely for fun - I know this, and you know this. Enough said.  
  
..................  
  
That the funeral was going to devolve into something hideous and ugly should have been a foregone conclusion. What else could it have been? Sirius didn't even really remember what it was that had possessed him to go in the first place. It couldn't possibly have gone worse, but looking back, it was hard to imagine that it could have gone any better, either. That man wasn't his father anymore; he had ceased to be the day Sirius had left home, the day his name had been stricken from the Black family tree. Why did he even bother?  
  
When the headmaster had called him to his office, Sirius was sure he was in trouble - what else could it possibly be? When, instead, Dumbledore told him that his father had died, he was actually a little relieved. That incident with Snape and the Whomping Willow had only occurred a few months before, and it had been made quite clear to him that any more trouble would result in his immediate expulsion. After this unexpected news, Sirius had only one question.  
  
"Why the hell should I care?"  
  
For sure, it was a fair enough query, but Dumbledore, as solemn as Sirius had ever seen him, had simply asked him if he wanted to attend the funeral. Well, not so much asked - he advised it, and it was hard to say no to Dumbledore.  
  
Sirius's immediate reaction was to say 'no' regardless of what the old headmaster said, and get on with his life. But something made him hesitate. Perhaps it was the knowledge that, family tree or no, he was still related to these people, like it or not. Or perhaps it was his mother.  
  
Sirius's relationship with his mother was as bad, if not worse than things had been with his father. But, like most people, he still really wanted his mother to like him, to care for him, even if it was just a little bit. Oh, he knew she didn't, and his expectations of family acceptance were not what anyone could call unreasonable - he really didn't have any to speak of - but there was still that faint glimmer of hope.  
  
His mother's family, although most certainly pureblood, was not considered nearly as dark as his father's had been. Perhaps, he often wondered, if his mother and father were no longer married, she would be a touch more pleasant?  
  
But always, he'd brush this idea away quickly, it was far too foolish. It was a waste of time to toss around these "what ifs" that would never happen. However the thought was still there, and that's probably why he finally (and very reluctantly) agreed to go.  
  
And that is how, on the 12th of January, on one of the coldest days of the year so far, he made his way to London.  
  
The school had made arrangements for him to use the floo network, so he could more easily get to Diagon Alley, where the church that the 'grand event', as Sirius had taken to calling it, was located. He would miss less than a day of school, and that was just fine with him.  
  
Sirius walked, as slowly as possible, down the twisted road, until he found the place he was looking for. It was not a nice looking church, and Sirius had more than his share of unpleasant childhood memories of the place. The sight of it nearly made him turn right back around and go home. Instead, he screwed up all the courage he could muster, and walked through the doors.  
  
The sheer enormity of the crowd was nothing less than stunning, and for a minute Sirius nearly forgot why he had come in the first place. It was obvious that the Ancient and Noble House of Black had spared no expense. The whole spectacle was nothing less than revolting, and he couldn't help but roll his eyes and sigh. From what he had gathered, although his father was well known in the Ministry, he wasn't very well liked by most. It occurred to him that most of these people probably just came for the snacks, and a little amusement.  
  
"Well, more power to them." He grumbled. How he wished that he could just have a sandwich and go back to Hogwarts.  
  
Finally, he spotted his mother in the crowd, flanked on each side by family. Regulus, "The dutiful son" thought Sirius bitterly, was sitting right next to her.  
  
"If he tries to get any closer to her, he'll have to crawl back in the womb," muttered Sirius, with an involuntary smile. It was now or never. He took a deep breath and walked toward them.  
  
"Mother."  
  
The newly widowed Mrs. Black stared at him in shock, which gave him just enough time to spit out the only thing he had to say.  
  
"Um.er., look, I'm really sorry, uh, what happened to dad and everything, um. I know we're not on the, um.best terms, but.I'm sorry." he finished lamely.  
  
"Yeah, nice Sirius," he thought, mentally kicking himself, "real eloquent."  
  
Even with the many worst case scenarios he had imagined on the way here, Sirius was most certainly not prepared for his mother's response. She stood abruptly, her chair falling to the ground with a clatter, and let out an ear-splitting shriek. Impressively, the entire hall fell quiet, and, as if on cue, the crowd turned to stare voyeuristically at the unfolding drama.  
  
"You!" She screamed, pointing a long bony finger at his chest, "What the hell do you think you're doing here? You drove your father to an early grave, and now you've come to ruin the last thing I have left, is that it?! This-"she motioned frantically around the room "Is all your fault!"  
  
Sirius stood with his mouth hanging wide open. He doubted he could have moved an inch from the place where he stood if he tried.  
  
"How dare you call me 'Mother'! How dare you intrude on us here, and try to worm your way back into this family after what you've done? I wish" she continued, her voice growing ever more dangerous, "That this was your funeral."  
  
She smacked him hard across the face, turned, and walked away without even glancing back. Regulus stared at him for a moment, smirking, and followed her away.  
  
Sirius stood frozen to his spot for a moment, swayed slightly, and slowly turned around. Hundreds of pairs of eyes were looking directly at him, from all corners of the hall, and the walk from the place where he stood to the door seemed to be the longest of his life. His mother was right about one thing - he shouldn't have come.  
  
He was back at school only a couple of hours after he had left it, and James, Remus and Peter, although a little hesitant, were eager to know what had happened. Sirius told them that it had been unpleasant, and nothing more. They'd know soon enough, anyhow - the entire school would know once Regulus returned to Hogwarts. His brother would make sure of it. At least his friends didn't press the issue, as they were not quite sure how to behave around someone who had recently lost a relative that had been not at all liked by the unwilling mourner.  
  
And so, life returned to something like normalcy - for a few days, at least.  
  
Coming up - Ch 2; The Room of Requirement 


	2. the unreqired room

Disclaimer: None of this is my property - it belongs to the wonderful J.K. and I think we all know that. This is just for fun.  
  
........  
  
Well, just as he had thought, the story of what had happened at his mother's funeral had spread through the school like wildfire after his brother had returned. Everywhere Sirius went, he got all sorts of curious looks. Slytherins sniggered, making nasty comments under their breath as he went by. (But not so softly that he couldn't hear them.)  
  
Everyone else whispered and stared. He had point blank refused to talk about the whole thing with his friends at all, and preferred just to try and pretend nothing had happened.  
  
Besides all of this, his day was going quite badly all on its own. Quidditch practice had been cancelled for the second day in a row, due to some very heavy rain. This was unfortunate. Sirius normally enjoyed flying, the activity and mindlessness of it all, and this week he felt a pressing need to put some of his pent up anxiety to good use.  
  
On top of that, he'd gotten two nights of detention for putting a particularly nasty curse on a very deserving Slytherin in transfiguration - nothing he could get expelled for, mind you, just an amusing way to kill time. He imagined that even McGonagall had looked slightly amused at the results.  
  
So here he sat, bored out of his mind in the Library with James, Peter and Remus, and a pile of dusty old books, trying to concentrate on a potions essay he had absolutely no inclination to do at the moment. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, trying to block out the sound of Remus's voice as he prattled on about the many amazing and necessary uses of.something or other - he didn't really care what.  
  
A sharp elbow to the ribs nearly knocked him off his chair. His eyes flew open and he stared incredulously at James, who was staring back and grinning like a madman.  
  
"Padfoot, wake up. If I'm not allowed to sleep, there's no way I'm going to let you."  
  
Sirius arched his eyebrow, and gave him a dry stare.  
  
"So go to sleep, no one's stopping you - and besides, I wasn't sleeping, I was.resting my eyes." He finished lamely.  
  
James laughed. "I think if one more person stops listening to Moony, his head will explode."  
  
Remus opened his mouth to protest this, but before he could, James continued on.  
  
"Besides, you should listen anyhow. This assignment is due in 2 days, and I'd bet my last galleon that you've done about as much of it as I have."  
  
He didn't feel much like arguing about something as stupid as this and besides, he knew his friend was right - he really did need to get this done. So he forced himself to turn his attention to the task at hand, and except for a small break for him and James to throw some wand-made ice at a group of Slytherins the next table over, it was a long and arduous task indeed.  
  
Sirius's mood lightened considerably at dinnertime, when apart from the unusually good food, two Ravenclaw girls he didn't know got into the most marvelous fight he'd seen in a a long time, complete with hair pulling and some marvelously creative name calling.  
  
"I wish two girls would fight like that over me." Said Remus, who seemed fairly amused by the fight as well.  
  
"You never know, maybe they were. I couldn't really understand what they were saying, but I'm sure I heard the phrase 'He's my sexy werewolf!' thrown around a bit" Sirius said, smirking.  
  
Remus's only response to this was to throw a dinner roll at his head.  
  
Even on the way to his detention, his newfound good mood continued. Not that he ever really minded detention anymore. It was a small price to pay for all the fun he'd had over the years, and by now he was used to the work. He was always a bit mystified at the very negative reaction most people had toward detention - as if it were the end of the world, or at the very least their school career. He couldn't ever really remember thinking of detention as anything but a minor inconvenience.  
  
Tonight, he was washing the floor in the potions classroom, and he whistled as he worked, occasionally bursting into a rather bawdy song. His singing at one point even attracted the attention of Nearly Headless Nick, who added a couple verses of his own. (Something about Moaning Myrtle and the Bloody Baron in the girl's lavatory.you don't want to know.) So it was with a smile on his face that he finally put the cleaning supplies away and began to head back up to the Gryffindor common room.  
  
Until he noticed the door.  
  
The boys had discovered the room early in their second year, while being chased by Filch after being caught in the act of painting the charms classroom orange. It had been fantastic luck, and offered them a very comfortable spot to hide until Filch had given up and gone away. Days later, when they came back to look for the space again, none of them had been able to find it, and until their third year, they didn't know why. Peter, in an unusual display of brilliance had discovered that the room in question only appeared when you needed it, perfectly tailored to your needs.  
  
The four of them had made happy use of it since then, and it had served them quite well. It had been Remus that found out even more about the nature of the room. Up until his discovery, it had just been assumed that in order to find the room, you needed to have a specific purpose in mind for it's use - you had to really need it, and know that you needed it. But, Remus had told them, he had walked by one evening after a particularly hard day, and noticed the door.  
  
When, purely out of curiosity, the werewolf had entered, he found a trove of good books, a warm fire and a pot of tea sitting and waiting for him. Only then did he realize how tense and nervous he had been that day. Apparently, the room of requirement would show up whether you knew you needed it or not.  
  
Sirius stared at the door for a moment. What on earth did he need, other than sleep? He could get that in his dormitory. Shrugging, he opened the door, and peered in.  
  
The room had altered itself to look exactly like the sitting room at Grimmauld Place. For a brief second Sirius just stood and stared in utter shock, and then abruptly slammed the door. He couldn't remember ever being so confused. How on earth could he need a replica of a place he hated, a place he swore he would never go back to?  
  
He walked as quickly as he could back to the common room, without breaking into a full out run. He needed sleep, he decided. He was just tired, that was it..or perhaps it was just someones idea of a joke.  
  
"Cornish Pixie" he said breathlessly to the Fat Lady, who lazily opened the door for him. He stepped inside the common room and came face to face with a infuriatingly cheerful looking James.  
  
"Hey, mate! How was detention? I was just off to the kitchen to grab something to eat. C'mon!"  
  
He grabbed at Sirius's sleeve, and tried to drag him back out into the corridor. Sirius gave a hard pull, and wrenched himself free from his best friends grasp.  
  
"No," he said, a bit too sharply.  
  
James looked positively miffed - for as far back as he could remember, Sirius had never passed up an opportunity to break a few rules, or have a bit of fun.  
  
"You ok, Padfoot?"  
  
Sirius mumbled something unintelligible over his shoulder, and hurried up to bed, leaving his puzzled friend at the bottom of the stairs, staring after him.  
  
To be continued. 


	3. Confrontation

Disclaimer: J.K.R. has the good grace to allow her fans to muck about with her characters from time to time. -grin- Anyhoo, these characters are hers, not mine, blah blah blah. (You know the drill)  
  
A/N: This is the last chapter, I'm pretty sure. A big thanks to my reviewers - I really, really appreciate it. Well, hope you like the rest of it.  
  
......  
  
It was taunting him.  
  
He had hoped that the door would go away. No luck.  
  
He had tried to find a way around it, so he didn't have to look at it anymore - and ended up late for all his classes.  
  
He tried to just not let it bother him. It wasn't working. At all.  
  
And people were beginning to notice that the most irrepressible boy in school had turned sullen and withdrawn in the space of a day.  
  
........  
  
"So I say that we go down to that river this time. Do werewolves like water, Moony?"  
  
"I guess we'll find out."  
  
"Oh! We should get to that little cabin on the far side of Hogsmeade, too. We nearly scared that old lady to death last time! Remember the look on her face?"  
  
The four boys were sitting around the common room fire, brainstorming for their next full moon adventure. Sirius, normally the most boisterous of the bunch sat quietly, tucked into a corner of the old sofa, drumming his fingers mindlessly on the end table, and staring into the fire. He knew that his friends were getting worried about him, but none of them really wanted to ask him what was going on. Oh, James would eventually break down and confront him, but Sirius could tell he was putting it off for as long as possible. None of them really wanted to make him angry, but James wasn't the type to postpone unpleasant things for too long.  
  
"What do you think, Sirius?"  
  
That was Remus, trying to draw him into the conversation. Again.  
  
"Sure." Sirius faked a smile. "Sounds good." He couldn't quite make it sound genuine.  
  
The other 3 boys exchanged brief glances. They all sat for a while longer, in uncomfortable semi-silence, until Remus announced that he was going to bed. Peter followed him soon after, leaving Sirius gazing into the fire, and James staring at a spot on the rug.  
  
Seconds ticked by, until James broke the quiet.  
  
"It's a Hogsmeade weekend tomorrow."  
  
"Yeah, I know."  
  
"So, you're going?"  
  
"Of course I'm going. Why wouldn't I?"  
  
He looked James in the eyes, challenging him to answer the question properly, but he didn't. James just nodded and headed up to bed  
  
Sirius didn't know why he made everything so difficult for himself, why he couldn't bear to discuss his own problems with his friends. After all, he demanded complete honesty from them, always made them tell him what was going on when they were bothered by something. Why the double standard? Did he think that it had been easy for Remus to admit to being a werewolf back in first year? No, but he did, and he did it with grace. This was nothing compared to that. But.  
  
This was just different, he told himself. It's personal. But the thought rang hollow in his mind, as he trudged up the stairs to bed.  
  
This particular Hogsmeade weekend was a needed one for most of the students. It had been a long and bitterly cold winter so far, and the snow showed no signs of letting up anytime soon. The halls were filled with laughter and excited chatter, as more than half the school prepared to shop, eat, and finally get out of the cloistered walls of the castle for a few hours.  
  
James, Sirius and Remus and Peter walked down to the main entrance of the castle, with what seemed to be a thousand other people, each as eager as the next to get out. Sirius had decided to make an extra effort to lighten up today, but he found it hard to keep smiling when they passed by "the door". Every time he walked by it, his breath would catch in his throat, and his chest would tighten, and today was no exception. Besides that, he was feeling more and more foolish with each passing day.  
  
Sirius Black, afraid of a room. It really wasn't like him at all.  
  
The walk to the village was harder than usual, but, like always, the trip was well worth it. The four boys worked their way systematically up the street, stopping in nearly every store on the way. (The only exception being a gift store that James referred to as 'silly girl heaven', which smelled like eighteen sorts of candles and seemed to house the world's biggest collection of horrible frilly pink things.)  
  
Just being outside and away from the castle improved Sirius's mood immensely and he felt better than he could recall feeling in over two weeks, when the group of them finally made it to the Three Broomsticks and found a table.  
  
"Hey James, look!"  
  
Sirius elbowed his friend in the ribs, and pointed, very indiscreetly, to a pretty redhead sitting across the room.  
  
"Yeah, so." James said, with a practiced nonchalance, the tips of his ears reddening.  
  
Sirius smirked.  
  
"Why don't you ask her out, again? The fiftieth time's the charm, I've heard."  
  
James glared and gave him a good natured shove.  
  
"Heads up." Remus mumbled, and gave a small nod to an approaching figure.  
  
Almost imperceptibly, the four boys tensed up, immediately recognizing the figure of Severus Snape.  
  
Snape, forbidden to tell anyone what he had found out about Remus, had instead made it his mission to get Sirius kicked out of school for good. All of them knew that if Sirius laid so much as a finger on the Slytherin, there wouldn't be another reprieve from the headmaster. Needless to say, this knowledge had made Snape a good deal bolder around the Marauders.  
  
He stood there, with an ugly sort of smile on his face, until James spoke.  
  
"Did it just get a whole lot uglier in here, or is it just him?"  
  
"Oh, shove it, Potter." Snape snapped. "I just came by to see what a monster does on his day off." He leaned in closer to Remus, and sneered. "Eaten anyone lately?"  
  
None of them answered. After weeks and weeks of this sort of thing, the four of them had decided it was best just not to respond, and instead looked blandly back at the greasy boy, waiting for his reaction.  
  
Snape glared at them, obviously perturbed by their lack of response, and then slowly began walking away. He stopped and turned when he was directly behind Sirius, and leaned over. He lowered his voice and spoke quietly into his ear.  
  
"Tell me, Black, how much of a bastard do you need to be for your mother to stop loving you?" He paused for a moment, and smiled.  
  
"I was just wondering, and I figured you could tell me."  
  
For what seemed like an eternity, there was complete silence. James allowed himself a sigh of relief, as Snape straightened and began walking away.  
  
Suddenly, and with almost inhuman quickness, Sirius leapt out of his chair and lunged toward Snape. Without thinking, James jumped after his friend, grabbing him by the back of his robes, and pulling backward as hard as he could. Both of them stumbled back and landed hard, tangled in a heap on the bar floor, temporarily stunned.  
  
James recovered first, and got to his feet. With his hand still clenched around a fistful of Sirius's robes, he half pushed, half dragged the other boy to the door, out into the cold evening air.  
  
"What the hell was is wrong with you?" James hissed, pushing his friend up against the wall of the building.  
  
Sirius said nothing, so James continued, sounding completely exasperated.  
  
"Have you gone completely insane? If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to get thrown out of school!"  
  
Sirius gave him a hard shove out of the way.  
  
"Leave me alone." He growled, and walked off into the growing darkness.  
  
Sirius sat on the edge of his bed, with his hands folded in his lap. He was completely unsure of what he was supposed to do next. Wait here until his friends came back from Hogsmeade? Avoid them for as long as possible? Luckily or not, he was spared the agony of decision when the door opened. It was James.  
  
He sat down next to Sirius and gave him a searching look.  
  
"Care to tell me what's going on?"  
  
"Nothing." Sirius mumbled, fidgeting slightly.  
  
James continued to stare at him. It was obvious that he wasn't going to give up or go away until he got the answer he came for. Sirius sighed, closed his eyes, and began. He told James everything - and once he started talking, the words came easily. He finished, finally, and looked at his friend for a reaction.  
  
James was smiling.  
  
"Honestly, Padfoot. I really don't see what the problem is, here."  
  
Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but James continued on.  
  
"Has the room ever steered us wrong before? No. The way I see it, you just need to go in, find out what it's there for, and get it over with. Pretty simple really."  
  
Sirius sputtered in disbelief. "But it's not that simple!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
It was a fair question, and before Sirius could think of a suitable answer, James leapt from the bed, and began leading his friend downstairs, and out into the hallways.  
  
The two boys stopped, in perfect unison, and looked up at the fairly benign looking door.  
  
"Well, go on then." Said James.  
  
"Bastard." Sirius mumbled, as he opened the door. But he was smiling, and oddly enough, not nearly as nervous as he thought he'd be. They both stepped over the threshold together.  
  
James looked around the large room, and let out a grunt of disgust. This was the first time he'd ever "been" to Grimmauld Place., and the place didn't really inspire warmth. Sirius had always joked that if James ever showed up unannounced, he'd be hexed off the front porch before he even had the chance to knock on the door. At least, James had always assumed that his friend had been joking. Now, he wasn't so sure.  
  
Sirius walked into the middle of the room, turned around and held out his arms.  
  
"So, what now?"  
  
James just shrugged, and stepped up to a small end table. He picked up a small vase and turned it over in his hands.  
  
"What's this?"  
  
Sirius's eyes widened, as he rushed over to the table. He plucked the vase out of his friend's hands, and set it back on the table.  
  
"Those," he said, pausing briefly for effect, "are my great grandfather's ashes."  
  
James raised an eyebrow. "I thought you already broke that."  
  
"My brother did." He said, glaring. "And." He stopped for a moment. "Look, can we just go?"  
  
"Do you feel better yet?"  
  
"No." Sirius said, darkly. "And I'm not going to until we get out of here."  
  
James once again plucked the urn off the table. He tossed it to Sirius, who caught it, but just barely. He stared at the small container in his hands for a long while. Finally, he unscrewed the lid and peered inside, smiling oddly.  
  
James recognized the look of inspiration on his face instantly.  
  
Slowly and with great relish, Sirius turned the urn upside down, watching the ashes cascade onto the sofa. He considered the empty container for a moment, then tossed it against the wall, watching it shatter. But he wasn't done yet, not nearly.  
  
In complete silence, he worked his way around the room. He tore the paintings off the walls, and broke the legs off the antique furniture. Grabbing a lamp, he used the base as a club, denting and gouging the expensive oak walls. Then, taking each fragile, ugly heirloom off the shelves one by one, he threw them with all his might across the room, and the tinkling sound of breaking glass filled the air. He overturned the couch, and with the help of a nearby letter opener, ripped the stuffing out of each cushion.  
  
With one final spurt of energy, he leaned on the heavy cabinet that stood by the doorway, but it wouldn't budge. He threw his weight into it again and again, but the structure remained immovable. With a frustrated kick, he turned and looked helplessly at James.  
  
With the weight of both of them against it, the cabinet didn't stand a chance. When it hit the floor and burst, the whole room seemed to shake.  
  
Sirius stood, calm, in the center of the ruin he had created. He gave a small nod to James.  
  
And without another word, both boys walked back through the door, and neither looked back.  
  
The end. 


End file.
